About

I wasn’t diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder until I was in my 50’s.   It was a hard thing to accept, but after I had endured a lifetime pain and suffering it was somewhat comforting to be able to finally understand.  It was also extremely scary.   Even now, every day there’s something else to be learned and new skills to be acquired.  Writing is a therapy, and if it helps someone along the way, they maybe it’s a way to pay back for all the damage I’ve inflicted on others.

About this blog:  I write from the heart.  I keep it as truthful and real as I know how.  Other than checking for spelling and grammatical errors I rarely change anything once it’s written.  These words flow out of me and onto these pages; unedited, real and raw.  There’s never a hidden agenda nor ulterior motive.  It is what it is: a glimpse into the madness that is my disease.

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41 Responses to About

  1. Terri says:

    Thank you so much for creating this blog. I was sent an invitation to follow along and your blogs have been very comforting to me. I have a difficult time expressing myself but I truly identify all the trials and tribulations you have experienced. I truly feel that a person that has bipolar depression can understand the true pain of the disease. Please keep up the good work. You are a talented author.

    Like

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  3. corffhardd says:

    There are more people out there that are willing to walk this journey with you than you know. So glad you are blogging about this as it gives me hope too. Best wishes and take good and gentle care of yourself

    Like

  4. sula1968 says:

    Writing is the best therapy!

    Like

  5. YWS says:

    I find your blog very powerful and moving – it is amazing to think that you can even begin to share your private emotions with the internet. Great writing – Best Wishes and I hope everything works out well for you.

    Like

  6. I like this. I think sharing our stories makes us stronger. On that note, I have an idea and I’d like your thoughts. Contact me at workinit22@yahoo.com

    Like

  7. Well done and thank you for sharing. I write a similar blog and have stories from readers who have submitted their thoughts. OK it deals with some heavy issues, but similar to the comments here and elsewhere, writing and sharing seems to help a lot of people. Reading seems to inspire, and educate at the same time. Keep it up, please. You make the world a better place.

    Like

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  9. Thank you for sharing so that we can better understand what our loved ones are going through.

    Like

  10. shrinkmuch says:

    Your blog is amazing. Please don’t ever stop writing!

    Like

  11. pixygiggles says:

    I wish I had your courage to write about my life in the way that you do. On my blog, I tend to second-guess myself out of saying a lot about what is really going on in my head or in my life. I agree that writing is good therapy. Keep fighting the fight. I know from personal experience, it’s a hard one.

    Like

  12. You are not alone. I know your pain. I know your stuggles. I am you. I understand. Just remember that if you ever get sucked into the darkness try to remember that there are many, many people who want you to live and thrive. I am one of those people. You are a brave and amazing person, not to mention a talented writer, to voice your pain in a forum such as this. I am not that brave…but I am working on it. People like you inspire me. Hi. My name is Kimby and I am an artist who lives in San Francisco. Wherever you are know that I am sending you love and a hug and electronic and energetic support. Feel free to contact me anytime. Hang in my dear….just hang in. The great thing about bipolar is that you can be assured that you are not going to feel this way forever. You might have another episode, but at least it will be different…lol. I am trying to make light of this challenging disease…..it helps me sometimes. Be well. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Like

    • khaledumer says:

      Yeh I am reading it and feel good to know that we can live a goeod life if we try to ,
      You are right life is beautiful so is everything around us . We just have to be assure that things will get ok .
      I am first month from hospital , I was having addiction problems along with bipolar ,
      Luckily I can manage myself now .

      Like

  13. femmegypsy says:

    “Writing is a therapy” – exactly!! Discovered your blog today and like I wrote on your last post… Keep sharing…You are helping people more than you realise… In a strange way you coming to terms with your depression etc you are providing support and hope and love to others…

    Like

  14. II thought P.t.S.D. was enough, one day, God was mentioned; 20 minuets later. I was asked to stay
    after the group i was part of. “Mike, your bi-polar, ” that probably was the reason why when someone honked at me on the freeway; I would jump out of the car, ask; whats your problem?
    I am a big guy. It would just happen, I was told later; hyper-mania is my thing. I walk 12 miles a day.
    Take pills. Sunrise at dawn, nature, I want to take a bath in the fresh air.

    Like

  15. Sarah says:

    Please help!
    I am not bipolar but I have been living with a guy who is and who was only recently diagnosed.
    It has been a very difficult 7 years. I didn’t know what was going on. The mood swings, though not manic were still scary. I thought that I was to blame for a lot of the problems in our relationship and couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong. At times it was like walking on eggshell. He would shut himself off from me, sit on the sofa with his head in his hand and just shake his head at me when I tried to prize him out of his shell, he would look at me with an expression that said I should know what it was that I had done, but I didn’t know what I had done.
    There were time when I was sacred to say anything to him in case I sent him off into his ‘black hole’ again. We would start the day in a good mood and my sense of relief was colossal that at last the black dog had passed but by lunch time it was back and he would shut down and lapse into silence. Then I would know that I couldn’t do anything right!
    Sadly we have separated, we still stay in touch but he blames me for so many things that have gone wrong that I don’t where to begin to put it back together and I do want to get back together with him, but I know that I can’t go back to a life of walking on egg shells and watching everything that I say and or do in case I set him off.
    I love him very much. We did a couple of sessions of couples counselling but he gave up after only two sessions out of the 10 that we had booked.
    I don’t know what to do to help him and thus help us.
    Can anyone out ther help me please????
    I love this man very much and I want him back but we both need help in order to get there.

    From
    Lost and confused.

    Like

  16. Henry says:

    Today, I’m beginning my new life similarly to what you have described you are going through. I’m a 52 year old male and I just learned that I’m Bipolar. In April 2007, after a 5 night stay in the Behavioral Unit where I underwent testing and was administered ECT 3 times, I was released and diagnosed with Bipolar II. However, 3 days later my marriage failed, I moved into my parents’ basement and did not have any follow-up for my mental health until November 2011. I was diagnosed with severe Chron’s Disease in December 2003, it and my depression continued to decline until April 2007 to the point that my life had totally fallen apart. I can hardly remember anything from 2007 – 2010. I managed to pull myself together, as my physical health improved my mental health did as well. By the summer of 2010 I felt like I was reborn and I was moving forward starting to have dreams and goals again.
    By November of 2012 the mania had become so severe that I have alienated nearly everyone in my life, have not been able to maintain a job and Chron’s Disease is very active. About the middle of November I decided to try to find my discharge instructions from 2007. Wow, what a shock when I read that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I started researching information and there is no doubt about it. Since that day in Mid-November, I have been unable to even open my mail as I battle depression all at the same time have nonstop mania trying to determine a driving purpose. I don’t have insurance right now; I think this blog will be helpful.
    Writing this was a good step for me which I’m going to call it Day 1.
    Please advise,

    Like

    • It certainly does sound very similar to my story. I really can’t advise you on anything though… that’s a job for professionals… which I am not. I know you said you didn’t have insurance, but keep your support circle as strong as you can, and take advantage of whatever therapy you can find. You have to take care of you. Nobody does it better.

      Best of luck… I hope my blog can help you feel like you’re not alone. Because you aren’t.

      Like

  17. Henry says:

    My adult life started at 18, and all went well until I was 43. I earned my bachelor’s degree from going to college over a 15 year period, and I had advanced to high level with the manufacturing company that I started with when I was 18. I was married to my high school sweetheart and 4 children who all were and have done well. In December 2003, Crohn’s disease hit me and it had progressed to a chronic level before I was diagnosed.
    Since then I have not been able to achieve anything on a consistent manner, I thought it was all due to the Crohn’s; but once I realized that I was Bipolar in November 2012 the picture of my life is more understandable. I haven’t had good focus, I’ve been having flashbacks of past mania episodes in my life. Since November, I had crisis care 2 times which started as Crohn’s but I informed them that I was bipolar and having some problems understanding it. I go back to the Doctor next week, at which time I will be referred to behavioral health.
    I have had mania going since December 2003, because I expected myself to achieve at high level again. One failure after another has made the mania worse. I think in the times that I was depressed that I had this mania going on at the same time? I think my feelings don’t work like most others, my feelings are intense. I struggle with the things I care the most about.

    Like

  18. Hello! I nominated you for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award. Please follow this link to accept and review the rules: http://mathedconcepts.com/2013/02/09/very-inspirational-blogger-award/

    Like

  19. storiesbyfrances says:

    Hello bipolarblogging,
    I love that you stay strong and continue living your life, so I reckon it is not easy all the time. I enjoy reading your posts very much, and I think that you deserve some happiness. So I nominated you for the Liebster Award and I hope you accept:
    http://storiesbyfrances.wordpress.com/2013/03/30/1445/

    Cheers, and stay strong!

    Like

  20. GiRRL_Earth says:

    Hey there! I just happened upon this blogger and thought of you… not sure if you already follow or not… http://beyondmeds.com/about/

    Like

  21. rachel4fern says:

    I guess I was lucky since I was 35 when I was diagnosed. I’m still dealing with seeing my life through this lens. Thanks for sharing your stories!

    Like

  22. Great post, and one I can very much relare to, and empathize with. You’re much better in telling yours, and especially your ability to write and do it in one try! I’m new to public blogging, and I too have some serious issues (my entire 30 yrs w/ bioolar dis. and ADHD.
    TOTALLY intimadated!
    I can’t figure out how to subscribe here, but I’d like to. Keep up the great work. 🙂
    Kristina

    Like

  23. I love this blog. You are a very good writer!

    Like

  24. bpnana says:

    Thank you for your voice! It’s so very good to know there is someone out there like me – diagnosed in their 50’s. Turning 50 was a big life transition for me, but put a diagnosis of bipolar on it, and you know – it’s tough, and, for me, it sucked! I just started blogging and feel like I’ve found a kindred spirit! Especially when you share about how having bipolar disorder affects others. Even now, after thirteen years since my diagnose, I have to forgive myself, on a daily basis for the pain I’ve caused my family & friends. You are telling your story, but, from all the positive comments, you are telling our story, as well. Here’s to more honest and from the gut writing! Peace of Mind & Love to you! Nana

    Liked by 1 person

    • ahuelon says:

      I was diagnosed at 47. We should share our stories. I just started blogging a little over a week ago. Am amazed at the stories that sound like my journey. Maybe we can share through our bloggs.

      Like

      • bpnana says:

        Thank you for your kind words…so glad you’re blogging! Have you read my blog? It’s really just sitting there..I plan to do a makeover because I’m getting so much spam it’s driving me…well you know! You can see my posts on Google+ which is pretty much a journal..Good to have another senior on board..we need you! xox

        Like

  25. EJ says:

    Was wondering if you had done any articles on Canadian Pharmacies. Looking for a cheap and reliable source for medications since my insurance is running out. I appreciate your time and any knowledge you may share.

    Thanks EJ

    Like

  26. A Mom says:

    My son, 35 years old was diagnosed 3 years ago, but is far from the day when he will accept it the way you have. He is on medication and is able to work and make a living for himself, but I’m not too sure about his quality of Life. Thank you for your Writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Cody Morrow says:

    I only stumbled across your Blog after reading your post entitled WHY SUICIDE?.. I was extraordinarily impressed by your sincerity & grasp of the many factors at play for people with BPD (not borderline personality disorder 🙂 ) including the people who (friends,family, your partner, medical providers, peers who respect you) Have attachments with a person who has BPD. Feel free to reply…. I am sure there are a plethora of topics we can discuss, maybe some non-mental health related topics :), etc,. I have written a separate post And it ended up being uncharacteristically long, I hope it reads well b/c I didn’t spend much time proofreading but please know I didn’t criticize anything about your great post. I will attach my comments on the suicide blog.soon

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Bella says:

    Hi there. I have really enjoyed reading your blog. I am also bipolar. My blog is at http://www.my-carousel.com I’d love you to read it and see what you think/make comments. Maybe we could have a go at doing guest blogs with each other or some kind of collaboration. I’d love to link to your blog on my site and would be very grateful if you linked to mine. Thanks so much.

    Like

  29. FoxyMcgee says:

    Thank you for your blog. i appreciate reading through your entries. I have a cyclothymic partner, and it took me many years to understand his condition. Unfortunately I don’t believe I can be with him anymore, because he doesn’t want to help himself, but I’m really glad to see that there are people opening up about their condition so that others, that don’t have the condition, can use it as a tool to understand better what is going on with their loved one. I think you’ll help many people, both bipolar, and the loved ones of a bipolar partner in writing your entries and letting readers freely respond, like you are. I hope too, that someday, being from the opposite side of the tracks on this, and being the healthy partner, that I may too help others.

    Like

  30. HV says:

    Hello. I enjoy reading your blog. I started my own recently about what it’s like to be married to someone with bipolar disorder. I’d love some feedback. It’s bipolarmarriage.com I hope it’s ok to post that here. Not trying to spam you.

    Like

  31. ahuelon says:

    I was 47 when I officially got the label Bipolar. Looking back I realized I had my first BIG episode when I was 28. Writing also is my therapy. I have only been blocking for l little over a week. I am looking forward to following your story.

    Like

  32. TSK says:

    Hi. I’m not one to leave a “comment” but just want to express my gratitude for your blog. I was recently diagnosed as Bipolar (II though). Also in my early 50’s. I am on meds and they seem to be helping. Doc says I’m “stabilized” but you are so right – It’s not a “cure”. Didn’t take long for me to realize that. It will always be there in the background – deep inside (or not so deep – maybe on the cusp) waiting for the opportunity to emerge again like a bad migraine – the kind that sends you to the doc begging for help and getting a shot in the behind loaded with drugs to stop the pain and vomiting. After they’ve kicked in and the pain and vomiting stop I can still feel the beast in my head – as pressure – still there – just in the background. And I know when the time is right he’ll be back out wreaking havoc. Same thing with this disorder.

    Anyway – back to the gratitude… Of course after the diagnosis I’ve been reading everything I can find on the internet to help me understand. I found a site that had a list of the “best bipolar blogs” and I followed the links. “Bipolar Mom” – No. Angry blogging gal – No. Another “Bipolar Mom” – No. Etc. Then I got to yours – Diagnosed at 50 something – Yes! Started reading. The most recent blog is on your home page of course. Read that and started working backwards. Then decided to read from the beginning. Went all the way back to your first blog and am now reading forward. Like a TV series that you happen upon mid-season in the 5th season and like it so you get on Netflix (or one of those pirated websites if necessary) and watch from the beginning, devouring it until you catch up to the current show and then can hardly stand having to wait a week to watch the next episode. Nevermind when the show goes on hiatus – Ahhhhhhhh!

    Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, please don’t stop blogging. It is so helpful and appreciated for those of us “new” to the diagnosis. …And I don’t want to catch up.

    Like

  33. Sarah says:

    I came across this blog and find it an interesting read. I am working on a university project researching into Bipolar. Thank you for your articles.

    Like

  34. Congratulations on being recognized by Healthline as one of 2015’s top bipolar blogs!

    Like

  35. revdebmatt says:

    May I post your blog on my blog SuddenlyBipolar.wordpress.com? We both were recognized by Healthline as a top bipolar blog.

    Like

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