Damn if I didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed today. No particular reason I think, but my annoyance level is off the charts. Everything and everybody is just grating on my nerves. To say it’s a bad mood is an understatement.
I am just grumpy as hell.
I think it started last night watching the Superbowl. I’m not a huge fan, but I do enjoy our football, and this is the biggest game of the year. And the two teams I despise the most were playing. I particularly dislike New England. They are arrogant, condescending, and determined to win at all costs. In fact, they’ve been caught cheating 3 times under this coach. It was the lesser of two evils, and the evil one won. My Girlfriend came over to watch the game with me, but she couldn’t find anyone to take care of her dog, and had to leave at halftime. That’s a good way to set the tone for the evening.
Actually, I think the mood started earlier in the day. I was called by an old friend who was upset about breaking up with her long term boyfriend. When my marriage ended, she spent hours on the phone with me and gave me a lot of support when I needed it. How could I refuse to talk to her? And really, I was glad I could. Listening to her, it was clear that she was really unhappy with herself as a person and had tied herself emotionally to him to feel happy. My encouragement was to work on her self esteem and get happy without anyone else. That went over like a ton of bricks of course, and I didn’t even really try but once. She needed to unload, and I owed her that much. And I really am happy to be there for her. But I had things to do, and places to go. I hadn’t planned on spending two hours on the phone listening to someone else’s woes. The longer she talked, the more anxious I got.
I spent almost two hours making a casserole yesterday afternoon. I’ve started doing that lately; cook something like that on Sunday, then take it to work for lunch the next three days. It’s frugal and easy. I tried something new yesterday. Polish Kielbasa, sliced and sautéed with onions. Bacon fried and shredded. 2 cloves of fresh garlic (Okay, 4 cloves – I love garlic) Mix it all together with two cans of cream of mushroom soup with some basil, rosemary and 1 cup of shredded monetary cheese. Pour in a casserole dish and cover with another cup of cheese then bake for 20 minutes at 400 degrees. Sounds scrumptious, doesn’t it?
And it gave me heartburn from hell.
Took forever to get to sleep; dinner did it’s best to come back on me. And so much for lunch this week. Just the thought of eating it again is unappetizing. I’ll end up giving it away I think. All that time and money wasted. My morning meds tend to upset my stomach a little even with food, and still feeling the effects from dinner this morning guarantees it’s going to make me sick. I hate taking all this medication, and I hate the reason I have to take it. I’m certainly not going to skip a dose though.
Monday morning, and it’s raining like crazy of course. Which means the drive into work was stupid slow. I understand slowing down a little and increasing following distance, but dropping from 80 mph to 30mph? It’s a little rain, not a blizzard! And the left hand lane that is supposed to be the passing lane is slower than the other three to the right. And sure enough, there’s one idiot poking along with nobody in front of him for ¼ mile! No need whatsoever to be going this slow. Then the idiot in front of me pulls out his cell phone and starts texting. I can see the glow of his phone; he starts to weave and slows down even more. Arrrrrgh!
The mother of a girl I work with has been really sick, and in the hospital’s intensive care. She’s not old (64) by any means, but it doesn’t look good. But all last week she came in and worked full days, and fussed and moaned all the time. I don’t blame her a bit for being upset; but go! If she’s as sick as she seems, then the place my coworker belongs is with her. It might be her only chance. But that’s not what set me off. Another coworker was out Thursday and Friday last week with his Mom, who fell and injured her head. She’s a lot older (84) and a fall like that could easily be fatal. So when he comes in this morning, I ask how his mom is doing. Before he can get two sentences out, the girl pops up and starts telling him how her mom is still in the hospital too, and gives everybody an update on what’s going on. Hello! We asked him, not her. We had asked her earlier, and now it was his turn. That really sets me off!!! Listen people! It’s not always about you!
Truth be told, today really isn’t any different from any other day. It rains and traffic is slow. Sometimes different foods do upset my stomach. I never spend the night with my girlfriend on Sundays; that’s one of my days at home. And very few people know how to listen. In any conversation instead of listening, they are thinking ahead about what they are going to say next. Truly listening is an art, and extremely rare. I’m not sinking into a depression, nor is this a sign of an impending manic episode. I’m just annoyed.
And I need to breathe.
With the annoyance the stress starts to build in my neck and shoulders. The muscles tighten up and feed into more annoyance. When I feel that start to build up, stopping to breathe helps to shifts the focus and help me relax. Deep breaths in through the nose; slowly exhale through the mouth. As the air leaves, push the shoulders down and relax the neck. I sound like a relaxation tape, don’t I? Well, there’s a reason for that; it works. My annoyance trigger is still very sensitive, but by not letting the stress build up it’s easier to keep it manageable.
So like the song says…”So I got me a pen and a paper, and I made up my own little sign’. Using my computer I printed out a reminder I could post on my wall just beside my monitor.