It’s time we had a talk.

Hello Heart, this is your head speaking.  I know we haven’t spoken for a while, but there are a few things I think we need to talk about.  I’m going to be as honest as I can with you, and hope you do the same.

I’ll start by saying I think you’ve been a little selfish lately.  You’ve been making most of the decisions, and have ignored much of the advice you’ve been given.  I know you were mistreated as a child, and I try to take that into account.  But you really are a needy son of a bitch, aren’t you?  You’ve been doing okay at work, and have been productive and more or less on target.  Outside of work hasn’t been going that well.  Many of the bills we owe have been late, or missed entirely.  I had to pay two months on the cable bill last week because you forgot to pay it last month.  Sure, I know that money is tight.  But the reason it was missed wasn’t because the money wasn’t there, it was you just didn’t care.  Don’t give me your excuses, I know you too well for that.  You’ve just been extremely unfocused.

Well, I say that you have been unfocused, but that’s not really the case.  What’s really been happening Heart, is that you’ve been so focused on yourself and your own needs that other important things have been sliding.  It’s more important that you hang around late at work so you can meet that lady we’ve been seeing during her dinner time instead of going home and taking care of things there.  And don’t give me the BS that you had to work late.  The last two hours in the office were not spent doing anything productive.  The truth is that you wanted to see this girl, and staying late at the office gave you the excuse.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with her.  I know how much you like her, and you don’t get to spend enough time with her.  The problem is that you’re not taking care of the other responsibilities.

You’ve been smoking and drinking too much too.  Heart, you know better.  Sure it hurts me, and it is really hard on you; but there are others involved too.  The liver and stomach are really taking a beating.  And the lungs are starting to complain a lot.  Don’t even get me started on your diet.  Eating one meal a day just isn’t enough for any of us.  And it’s not like it often is where we snack most of the day and only eat a full meal once.  We’re not eating at all during the day.  It’s no wonder we both feel so bad.  We haven’t been giving us enough fuel.  We can both blame it on our lady friend, I know.  Because of her gastric bypass 10 years ago, she doesn’t have the stomach capacity to eat but a little bit at a time. And she has a tendency to skip meals altogether. But if we’re completely honest with each other, she’s borderline anorexic.  At the very least, she’s dysmorphic.  Don’t you think it’s strange when she points to another thin woman and asks how much fatter is she?  She’s nothing but skin and bones.  I understand that she’s preoccupied with not getting fat again; she’s been through an awful lot to lose all that weight she used to carry.  But in my opinion, she’s taken it too far.  What do you think Heart?  Do you think it’s healthy?

Let’s cut to the chase my old friend.  It’s time we had a talk about this lady friend.  As a Heart you have many wants’ and needs’ that brought us together in the beginning.  And I have to admit, you made a good choice at the time.  She was fun to be with, and we both connected with her rather quickly.  I know I enjoyed it.  It’s a shame she was so sick at the beginning.  She said she thought it was just a cold, but I think she really had the flu.  She was sick for a month and a half, in spite of all the antibiotics, steroids and inhalers she was on.  We had fun, but there was always the down side with how she was feeling.  We both agreed that we couldn’t blame her for being sick, and I think we were really patient with her.  You certainly did a good job giving her the TLC.  But then she had to get that job on second shift.  Personally, I know from the moment she told me about it that we were going to have problems.  But you insisted that we give it a chance.  You had all kinds of plans for how we could stay connected and get at least some of your needs met until things settled down a little.  I had my doubts, and I was worried about all the other distractions she was dealing with too.  You know she’s in the process of selling the house her and her husband lived in.  She loves her kids, and her grand kids, and I knew she was going to want to spend as much time as she could with them.  No, I don’t blame her one bit for wanting to spend time with her family.  My concern from the start was that they lived in the next state.  It wasn’t like she could spend the afternoon with them, or even a day with them here and there.  Because of the distance involved, a visit with her family ate up the whole weekend.  I’ve got to be honest with you Heart; she just doesn’t have time for us.

Heart, I thought we had an agreement.  I totally support you for wanting to be in a relationship.  Frankly, it does me a lot of good too.  But what we had agreed on was that we were going to be someone who was healthy, and was good for us to be around.  I don’t feel like she really fits that bill.  Even if I don’t get into all her health issues (Which are significant and really can’t be ignored), her attitude and the way she’s been treating us really isn’t good.  She tells us that we can’t understand all the history and feelings she has for her husband, and that we shouldn’t judge.  But then she judges us for the way we’ve handled our past relationships.  I’m really starting to feel taken advantage of too.  Do you realize that she didn’t walk her dogs once this weekend?  We did it every time.  You didn’t mind that I’m sure.  But it wasn’t very fair.  The way she won’t let us finish a sentence before interjecting her own thoughts is really starting to become annoying.  She’s told us that she has a positive outlook on life, but face it.  There’s always a negative side to everything she says.  There’s always a qualifier with her.

The bottom line Heart is that I think I need to make a decision for both of us.  I’ve tried to tell myself that if you’re putting more into a relationship than you’re getting out of it; it’s time to get out of it.   I’ve been willing to humor you through this, and let you make the decisions.  But be honest with yourself Heart.  Neither of us has been very fulfilled in this relationship.  I know, you want me to be patient and give her time.  But I’ve got to tell you something.  It’s not going to get any better.  If she was really that invested, she would have at least tried a little harder.  We really weren’t asking for much.  And that’s what we got; not much.  Not enough in my opinion.

As you know we have an appointment with our Therapist tonight. Please be sure that you show up for it.  And don’t try to dominate the whole session either.  I have things I need to talk about too.  That doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear your side of things, that’s kind of the purpose of therapy.  I’m asking that we both have our say, and let our Therapist help us come to an accord.  Remember the goal!  This time we really need to get it right together and surround ourselves with healthy and happy people who are going to enrich us and not be any kind of burden.  We both have to take care of ourselves if we want to be healthy.

I’ve enjoyed talking to you Heart.  Thanks for listening.

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2 Responses to It’s time we had a talk.

  1. bluemerlegirl says:

    Great post! I hope your session went well last night. Loved the way you wrote it. You are breaking things down further and further and I think it is helping you instead of just saying “I know.”


  2. I’ve only just found this post. What a wonderful idea making it a conversation. Sue


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