Should I stay or should I go.

I’ve written about relationships several times before, but a couple of things have happened recently that compel me to delve in again.  In the last couple of days I’ve received several comments and messages from my blog from spouses of people with bipolar disorder.  All the comments were about how difficult it was to deal with their spouse, and how they want to end the marriage.  The second thing that happened was, I was contacted by my soon to be ex-wife about providing my address so she could have me served with divorce papers.  She left me because of my illness, so these comments really hit home.

I can’t say that I don’t understand how someone, including my ex, would find it too hard to continue in a relationship with someone suffering from this disease.  We can be very difficult to live with.  Speaking for myself, I’ve had a lot of experience with marriages failing because of my illness.  I’ve been married four times, and each one ended as a direct result of being bipolar.  The first three, I was the one who decided that the marriage couldn’t continue.  This last one however, my wife is the one who said she couldn’t deal with me, and kicked me out.

From the very beginning of this relationship, my bipolar symptoms were evident.  We hadn’t been dating long when I went into a severe depression. I had a lot of valid reasons for being depressed.  Within a period of three weeks I had been fired from a job, been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and my mother had died.  The truth of it is however, I was already headed down before any of this happened, and I most likely would have gone into this depression without all the external factors.  But, it was easily justified and she was understanding and sympathetic of what she thought was a circumstantial episode.  It took a while to get through it, and we ended up moving in together when I couldn’t afford my rent due to the unemployment.  But I did recover, and for a year or so things were on an even keel.

Then the mania hit.  My manic episodes are marked by excessive rage and grandiosity and this one was no exception.  But again, there were external factors that made it easy to explain.  My new job was with a foreign owned company whose culture treated Americans like second class citizens.  We were expected to be stupid, and my own intelligence was questioned on a daily basis.  So I got angry.  And I started thinking that I should be the one running the company so I could protect the other American managers.  As time progressed, so did my illness and my anger turned into rage.  It’s important to mention that at this point I hadn’t been diagnosed as bipolar, and we both believed that I was completely justified in my feelings about the job.  But the rage was having a direct impact on our relationship, and I would rant and rave every evening about how unreasonable the idiot owners were.  And it continued to get worse.  I could go into the details of what was going on, but the bottom line is, every evening I would yell and scream not at her, but to her about the conditions at work.  I know I made her life a living hell, and it eventually became overwhelming.

There is no way I could maintain such a high level of distress and I finally crashed.  And I crashed hard.  She had insisted that I see a Psychiatrist a few months earlier to try to control my over the top behaviors, and within a few days after my crash she convinced him that I needed to be hospitalized.  It ended up to be a life changing moment, as I was fortunate enough to have a Doctor who not only diagnosed me, but was able to convince me that I was truly bipolar.  But the damage had already been done.  I didn’t know at the time, but my wife had already decided that the marriage was over.  A month after my hospitalization, she kicked me out.  In spite of all the problems we had with my illness, it never occurred to me that the marriage was in trouble, and I was devastated.

But here’s the thing.

I had made a vow that I was committing to our relationship for better worse, through sickness and in health.  When we got married she already had her own medical issues, and there was a good chance that she would end up disabled and in a wheelchair.  It didn’t matter.  I loved her, and would have stood by her no matter what happened.  So what was the difference with my illness?  Bipolar disorder is a physical disease, no different from the degenerative arthritis she was facing.  Yes, I was hard to deal with.  But it was no picnic dealing with her symptoms either.  Sure, we didn’t have any idea what I was going through prior to my diagnoses, but once I knew, I was being treated and had a good chance of completely managing the symptoms.  But she never even gave it a chance.  I begged her to go to marriage counseling, but her mind was already made up.  The marriage was over.

I’ve spent the last year contemplating our relationship and trying to figure out what really happened.  And I always come to the same conclusion.  She bailed on me at just the point I was getting things under control.  Would the marriage survived?  I’ll never know.  But I do know that I feel betrayed, and am extremely bitter as a result.  And I know that I’ll never completely trust anyone else.  I will never remarry and am destined to live alone the rest of my life.

So to those who feel like their marriage should end because their spouse is bipolar, I ask you this.  Why should one physical disease be different from another?  What if the situation was reversed and it was you who was sick.  Would you expect your spouse to stick by you if something catastrophic were to happen to you?  Bipolar disorder is no different from Multiple Sclerosis or Epilepsy.  It is a disease of the brain.  Doesn’t your spouse deserve every chance to make the marriage work?  The symptoms are hard.  The consequences can be devastating.  But every marriage, every relationship is faced with problems and hardships.  Just because bipolar is considered to be a ‘mental illness’ shouldn’t be any different from any other challenge.

But let’s be fair.  My other three marriages were ended by my choice.  Shouldn’t I have given them the chance to make it work?  Society has made it too easy to end any marriage without justification or cause.  Our parents or grandparents tended to stay together no matter what hardships they faced, but now it’s totally acceptable to quit at the first hint of a problem.  I’m guilty of that, I’ll admit.  It wasn’t until I was on the receiving end that I understood just how devastating a decision could be.  I’m older and wiser now, and I have come to realize one thing when it comes to relationships.

If I had put as much effort into making a relationship work as I did finding a reason to end it, I most likely would have just celebrated my 32nd wedding anniversary.

But I never even gave it a chance.

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104 Responses to Should I stay or should I go.

  1. Howdy! This article could not be written much better!

    Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept preaching about this. I’ll forward this article to him.

    Pretty sure he’ll have a very good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

    Like

  2. Alisa Moore says:

    The difference between bipolar disorder and something like CP or other physical diseases, is that the supportive partner is emotionally/psychologically and/or physically abused, humiliated, and torn down at the hands of the bi-polar partner. That’s a huge distinction…I would take care of a partner suffering any disease, until it becomes an issue of my being abused, which is the reason I’m leaving now…

    Liked by 2 people

    • R Wood says:

      Hey Alisa, I COMPLETELY AGREE. I am at that point with my bipolar wife. We have been married 16 months and in that time she has destroyed my heirlooms, liquidated my checking and savings, trashed ny house multiple times, abused me phisicaly 3 times and verbally 30 times over the last 12 months( for over 5 hours at a time), been baker acted for trying to kill her self 2 times ( the last time she blamed me because i told her i wanted a divorce) and had 3 jobs( the first two she did a no call no show because I came back from the gym 10 mins late.) I am blamed for everything wrong in her life. The day I had to identify my fathers remains she did a boozed up drug induced rage at the hotel and tried to od because I lived with someone a year and a half before we got together. WTF. If your story is anything like mine, I say RUN!!!!!!!! GET YOUR LIFE BACK…\

      best of luck

      R Wood

      Like

  3. Joseph Kerr says:

    My mother has severe MS. My wife has bipolar. With all due respect, they are completely different. MS doesn’t make you lie, cheat, manipulate, destroy your marriage, destroy another person’s marriage, hit your spouse, destroy their posessions, lie about you, threaten you, demoralize you, tell off your bosses and lose multiple jobs, destroy any hope of trust in the relationship, alienate your friends and family, spend outrageous amounts of money on nothing, traumatize your children, and give your family the same kind of ptsd that is suffered from victims of substance and domestic abusers WITHOUT EMPATHY.

    I’m not saying that someone with a mental illness isn’t capable of a somewhat positive outcome in their interpersonal relationships, or are horrible people, and I’m not saying they asked for the illness or that it’s their fault, but they HAVE TO take their meds religiously, seek therapy, track their moods and educate themselves on their triggers and course of their illness. In times of wellness they need to take accountability for their actions and work on fixing any damage. I believe that if they’re doing this the spouse should be receptive and be willing to participate in their treatment (family involvement is critical).

    IF they’re not doing everything in their power to take the best possible care of themselves so that their loved ones face as little collateral damage as possible, then I say get out of the relationship. ” In sickness and in health” is cherry picked from all the vows constantly to make the argument that you shouldn’t leave a spouse with a mental illness, but it goes both ways. I remember a lot of “to love and cherish” and “let no man tear asunder” in their too. It’s a two way street, and the healthy partner has a right to not be terrorized for the rest of their lives by someone who refuses treatment or acknowledges they even have a problem, constantly looking around the corner for the next rage, affair, or web of lies. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re forcing the person who loves you the most to sacrifice their life so you can have one. I’m sorry but if you make conscious decisions that lead to this, you don’t love them, just yourself, and they have every right to bail and find someone capable of not making their life a living nightmare.

    Like

  4. Thank you guys for your honsesty I have been in relationship for almost 6 years, he give me 6 thousand dollar engagment ring second yr .we had problems I always thought he was just very jeaulous because I was very outgoing bartender for 20 years , but own my own bus co. When things got worse I realized he was bioplar. And very controlling , when he gets mad and raged he leaves goes back to his home and waits for me to beg him to come back. It is all about him , he will tell you that you are the one that has brain problem, tells you he will never get married. He has a 40 year old daughter tthhat is single has problem with relatioship she is a nurse a 30 yr old son lives at home does not want a relatioship with anyone , I am not allowed at his home. Wife died 9 yrs ago. Most of her things still there , do you think I should run? When this man is not in a mood he is all I could want I love him dearly, but it hurts so bad when he is gone for days, I scared to call because you don, t no what you are going to get more put downs it is allways my fault , he makes you beg to see him , then crazy sex and everything is great for a while week , month, I feel blessed the last time has been 9 months.

    Like

    • Christina hudson says:

      Cymbalta 60 mg and Lamictal 100 mg has worked wonders for my husband. We were on the verge of divorce. It was like night and day. He notices the difference himself.

      Like

      • Joseph Kerr says:

        Christina, how long has he been on this combination and how long has it been since his last episode? Lamictal and prozac, supplemented later on with lithium, did wonders for my wife. I feel like I got my best friend back, and in some ways she’s better than even before her full blown manic episode last year. I’m always on the lookout for and worried about a relapse. She was mortified at herself once she came around and has been wonderful taking responsibility for herself and taking her meds. Otherwise I don’t think I could have stayed even though I love her with all my heart. It was the hardest year of our lives.

        Like

      • Christina hudson says:

        He’s been on this dose about a year. And it’s been that long since and episode. He was aware of changes when they added the lamictal almost immediately. Said he could feel the difference the first week. He started at 50 mg and went to 100 mg. Dr said ” if it’s not broke don’t fix it” he would go up on the dose but if it’s working .. Leave it alone

        Like

    • Joseph Kerr says:

      Is he on meds or receiving any kind of treatment? Has he ever? The older someone gets with unmedicated Bipolar the worse it gets because each uncontrolled episode does brain damage. Some medicines can reverse this somewhat, but never to the point where they’re cured. Lithium for example has been shown to increase gray matter in the regions that are known to have damage from bipolar episodes.

      Assuming he is in fact bipolar, if he’s not making any effort to fix this medically he’ll be neurologically incapable of changing.

      Like

      • Sam says:

        Do bipolar wives tend to lose any or all affection? Like getting annoyed by hugging or kissing goodbye?

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      • Sam says:

        I been married about 8 months and my wife has bipolar. Sometimes I feel I can’t do anything right at all. I feel unappreciated all the time, sometimes I feel I need antidepressants so I don’t get sad about how she gets sometimes. We have a baby together also and I love her and married her, not the desease. I know the same woman I loved is there.

        Like

  5. FoxyMcgee says:

    FINALLY LEFT HIM!
    I just ended a 5 year relationship with my cyclothymic boyfriend. Things seemed to be great for the first year of dating, and then things all of a sudden flipped. I was getting paranoid comments coming from him about how the “other shoe” was going to drop, of which I had no idea what he was talking about. Things seemed to be going good, so i had little understanding of what he was referring to. Then he kept telling me that he wanted to see how we argue, which I thought was pretty weird. That seemed to be the thing that concerned him the most in our relationship at that point was…how were we going to argue. I was focused on the good stuff and he was already focusing on what was going to happen during our fights (which we hadn’t had yet) and his abandonment issues, so it was really confusing to me. Then things just got worse. It was like a self fulfilling prophecy for him…he got what he so badly wanted and the other shoe finally did drop because I was left no other choice. I wanted to move forward in our relationship and I kept getting vague answers to that. Any time I tried to have a discussion on the topic he told me I was “ruining things.” I didn’t understand what had happened to the person I started dating. Soon after, everything became my fault. Everything bad that happened in our relationship was my fault. Every fight was my fault. Every time I tried to talk about how I felt, he’d bust in with what was upsetting him and the focus had to be on that. It was very codependent manipulation. I never got to talk about my feelings and had to hold them in for fear that he’d explode on me, or blame me for something else that I didn’t do. Every time we tried to take a trip, he’d do something to get me aggrevated (like finding out about a porn addiction he has, or looking at other women) and that was my fault. To this day, all of that is still my fault. He told me he had major trust issues and I was the cause of that, although I had never lied to him once in our 5 years together. I don’t lie to people I love. I also noticed he acted differently around his friends and family than he did around me. Most of the time we’d go out he’d just ignore me. I didn’t feel like a priority at all at this point. I was just severely confused. He wouldn’t open up to me about anything, or any of his feelings. Instead I just got blamed for them, and blamed for things that he had been stewing over for 6 months, most of it probably misinterpreted or made up in his head. For his birthday i made him a homemade seven course meal. He opened the door of one of my kitchen cupboards and found a recipe for some cupcakes that I was going to bake him. Knowing I can’t lie I ended up spilling the beans that I was also making him my famous cupcakes. His response was “Oh that’s great I love those. I dont’ think we’re right for each other and should break up.” I just stared at him open mouthed not believing what I was hearing…..Sure bake me your cupcakes and then I don’t want you anymore. I finally had had enough and before I broke up with him, decided I’d call his father to see if he had any advice for me, because I cared about what was happening to him. Something was definitely not right. His dad said something to me that I will never forget and never understand and told me “I don’t think my son knows how to love someone.” Wow…what am I supposed to do with that?! Needless to say, we broke up, and then unfortunately got back together again a few months later, and moved in with each other. Biggest mistake of my life. Things just went worse from there. He was mad at me for everything…for breathing, for walking into the room wrong, for not sleeping in the same bed, for sleeping in the same bed. He even got mad at me for 6 months because I hung his towel up in a different spot because otherwise it would have gotten wet. He told me I had no respect for him and I don’t know what respect is. Everything he was doing to me, was being mirrored and projected onto me and what he was doing was my fault. It’s like he didn’t have the guts to stop being in denial that he was the one creating the problems. He would accuse me of having a mental health problem…which is hilarious to me because I actually did get checked JUST to make sure that I wasn’t causing any of this, and of course, I didn’t have anything wrong with me, other than the therapist telling me that I’m in an obvious unhealthy atmosphere and environment being with him. His friends were even telling me to run. Everyone was telling me to run, and I didn’t listen. Boy I wish I had!!! 3 years after our initial break, I told him what his father had told me and told him that he should ask his dad what he had meant so maybe he could start understanding himself. He was so depressed I didn’t know what else to do other than tell him. He was in denial that he was acting crazy and that maybe he needed to get his medication checked. I didn’t know how else to help, and was at my breaking point. Well, what his dad had told me just happened to be the one thing that caused him to get his meds checked. After his medication switch, things seemed to be going ok. So, after 6 months of being on new medication and things going better, he finally asked his father about what he had told me, and his father denied it all. So then I was accused of being a liar and it went on about how I’ve lied about everything in the relationship and how I’m untrustworthy and how he didn’t even care about me explaining myself because I’m a liar, and he’ll never be on my side, only his family’s side. It was sick…absolutely incredibly sick. And, he did this all on the back of a personal family grief issue I was having with my own parents. The conversation we were having started with me being sad about how my parents are ill and how our relationship isn’t moving forward, and he slammed the final cards down. All of the false accusations of lying was just too much and I said I’m done. The entire family is a codependent mess. He’s in denial. I don’t even think he has feelings towards what happened. I’ve heard sorry 2 times in the entire 5 years we’ve dated, and that was only after I said I was sorry. Any time he said he was sorry it came out as “I’m sorry you did that too.” At this point I’m not even sure if he has cyclothymia, or worse, now if it’s gotten to bipolar, or even if he also is suffering from borderline personality disorder….because there’s a LOT of red flags that point in that direction. If you’re in one of these relationships you need to get out. Even if people are medicated, there’s often too much damage there, and they’re in too much denial of what they’re doing to give YOU a fighting chance. It will never be about you, or YOUR relationship. It will always be about them and what they need, or aren’t getting from you, or what you are to blame for next. You need to get out. These people can destroy an otherwise healthy person, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t also feel valued. It’s not a relationship if it’s one sided…it’s caretaking, and your not their mother or father, you’re supposed to be their partner. Sometimes you cannot help someone. They don’t want your help. They want everyone to buy into this idea that they’re victims, and we all know they’re not. Some of the bravest of them have figured that out and are not playing that card. If your partner is though, there’s little hope in changing that…it’s become a survival technique that you have no control over.

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    • Anna says:

      I applaud you, Sister! I relate to you so completely. I urge you to get therapy for yourself. I had such similar things happen to me … you wouldn’t believe! Down to the porn addiction and having a family member tell me he is incapable of loving (Including telling me about two other marriages I knew nothing about!)
      Go, my friend – go to therapy for you! Its been several years since I escaped and I still go to therapy once in while. It helps. We will never be able to understand them, nor our own actions involving them. We will never understand the attraction or the tolerance that we had for their insane behaviors.
      Don’t wait for him to say he’s sorry. Something I learned about this blog is that apparently bipolar people never have to directly apologize or accept responsibility for their actions or the results of those actions.

      Like

  6. Cynthia says:

    Mine goes from happy to extreme rage anger with the worst name calling, finger pointing in my face. while his veins pop out of his temples, sometimes foams in corners of his mouth, and when I finally go to sleep he comes into my bedroom to continue yelling, walks out of the room, and comes back in over and over and over, brings up the past from 20 years ago, names guys he claims I’ve slept with, names most of my friends he hates (even though they are great, sweet people that I have known longer than I’ve known him) since with each of my friends he has his ‘reason’ not to like them, although is nice to their face. He is the most insecure person on the planet and I have to actually sneak to see my girlfriends! They are not guys, but girls, like me! I can go on and on. Sorry, I was just reliving the many bad episodes I’ve had with him. He doesn’t think he has a problem, therefore is not seeking treatment. Oh, and he started drinking again after not drinking for 10 years, although not every day or even every week, but sometimes a few times a week, and all it takes is 1 drink and he is as wasted as someone who had 10 drinks. But he doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic. I tell him to leave my apt but he never ever leaves, and the day after an episode he doesn’t even apologize anymore for the night before, not that an apology would be accepted. Sometimes he’ll even continue the rage the next day even though he is sober, but also has rages when sober anyway. I feel like I’ve broken up with him a hundred times which is hard for me, too. I’ve had opportunities to date other men but feel I can’t as long as I’m living with my boyfriend (although have tried) but it’s so stressful, looking over my shoulder, and having him call me one call or text after another when I don’t respond. He’s extremely obsessive. And his texts are becoming more deranged, I’ve showed them to a couple of my friends who say he has gotten worse. How can I get him out of my apt without the cops involved? I actually did call the cops a couple times but they can’t issue a restraining order unless he threatened me or hurt me, and I can’t lie and say he did. The verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse is so bad. What is also bad is bad is that I’m able to sleep right after an episode as if I’m getting accustomed to his behavior, but I don’t want to be used to it. I’ve been with him over 20 years but he’s been worse the last year or so, and that makes me distance myself more from him, which makes him worse. I miss having a life and want it back. A happy one. I recently ran into an old boyfriend and filled him in a bit on what’s going on. He seems to want to pursue a relationship with me but I can’t since I’m stuck with my deranged one, till I can kick him out. He won’t leave, then he’ll cry and say how much he loves and misses me (the current deranged one) etc. Then I feel like a mother abandoning her son. This has been going on for over twenty years. I feel dumb for letting this happen to me for so long, and is still happening. The apt is under my name by the way, although he contributes. The cops suggested a legal eviction would would give him 30 days to leave, but it’s hard to do that to him when he’s acting normal.

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  7. Cynthia says:

    Also, everything wrong that happens to him is my fault in his eyes, even when he has lost his license. He’s always the victim, he says “I’m not a bad guy!’, he’ll say after all I’ve done for you (when I have done more for him than anyone would do, such as bailing him out of jail at 3am on a work night, etc. But his good points are also what makes it hard. Once I was having a medical emergency and he dropped work (he’s a carpenter, his own business) and helped me get in his car, buckled me in and assured me all would be ok, since I was crying and scared, he loves animals and feeds all the stray cats outside and can be very charming and likable, can be very generous to all kinds of people, almost too much since we don’t have a lot of money and are struggling ( I do all the bills, I have the bank accounts, he can’t keep accounts open ever). He can be a lot of fun and likes to do all kinds of things, and is easy going, not selfish at all. But it doesn’t take much to set him off into a rage, even if we’re outside with people around, he’ll yell, tell me I’m sleeping with other men (right in front of people, so embarrassing) and when I tell him to shut up cause there’s people around, I feel like I’m sounding like I really am sleeping around and that I’m telling him to shush about it, but that’s not the case, I just want him to shut up! It’s literally like living with two completely different people, Jekyll and Hyde all the way. I pray I can get the strength soon to get him out of my
    apt.

    Like

    • martha says:

      Has there been a change in your situation Cynthia? This is exactly my story. Please tell me you had the strength to put him out. Maybe that will encourage me to do the same.

      Like

  8. Claire says:

    You cannot compare the illness bipolar with an illness such as epilepsy or arthritis!? What about all of the heartbreak, the emotional abuse? The demeaning mockery on a daily basis? The cutting tones and cold hearted insults?? Is a spouse jut supposed to deal with that? To deal with watching the person you love struggle to function in society, struggle to hear and see their hatred for themselves and when they scream at the top of their voice that they wish they could just die or disappear. Scared of failure but at the same time scared of success? It’s really not as black and white as that. It hurts. It breaks you down as a person too…. And who will you be to offer support after you’ve broken down yourself?

    Like

    • anna says:

      Oh Claire. I understand your sentiments completely. Please get some counseling for yourself. My therapist tells me that I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I can understand why that diagnosis is applicable to me – and possibly, to you. Something that I have come to understand is that part of the “illness” of bipolar is the way they treat others. It’s almost as though all the things that you describe (which I have lived and more!) fuel these people. There is never any remorse or apology from them/him. If an apology seems like its coming, it ALWAYS gets turned around to “well I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t” right back at me. I will never believe that there is anyone who can help a person with a diagnosis of bipolar. I believe that there is a much larger scope to this label than many people realize. I look at it like an iceberg – you can only see such a small fraction of what evil lies beneath. Go, now – get some help. It has been a number of years since I escaped. I am remarried to a wonderful man who understands how damaged some areas of my being are after living in that hell for so long.
      Funny, isn’t it – I don’t see many of the single bipolar people in these blogs telling their “new relationships” that they are bipolar. I think they know how harmful they are to others and are taking advantage of the time in they have in a “relationship” before they are found out.
      I read these blogs from time to time – and I haven’t known why. All my PTSD resurfaces. Then once in a while, I read a post like yours and it reminds me that I might be able to help others. I try to help by asking you to grant yourself permission to leave – and to get some help for yourself.

      Like

  9. Jana Plešej says:

    Hello. Please help me. My boyfriend is bipolar. He comes from a family in which there was not a lot of love, no motherly love. He had to become independet werry fast. He went to college and grew apart. When he vas 16 he met a girl and were together 15 years (last 5 years married). They were a good team, working all the time, beeing in depresion offten together… not living or enyojing the life at all.
    He got divorced, because he was not happy with the sex life (allmost non). He was manic at the time of decision, but now after 2 years he still feels that it was the right decision.

    I met him one year after his diwors, after his figuring things aut if he is gay or not. He is NOT. Than he had a girlfriend witch is werry mentally ill, and had the sex of his life wit her. He was so in love with her, that he was blinde. They broke up because she was not fully his.

    Than after a couple of days we met in person (befor we met on internet and talkt for 2 days). We had the best talk, flirting, cudling…. he than invited me to his place (250km away from my home) We fell in love after 5 days and he asked me to marry him. I was happy. I found a man for life after 29 years of searching.
    I moved to his place, left my life behinde, I dint had nothing to loose.

    We were happy for 3 months. He startet to talk with his ex girlfriend, constantly, like there is no other thing in the world. He left me for her that year abaut 3 times.
    I helped him figure aut, that he doesnt love the girl. He doesnt anderstant what love is. And so I gave him books, some literature and than he understood, that real love are not butterflies and hot sex. That real love is carring, feeling good with the partner, haveing fun, cudling ….

    After 3 weeks of him figuring out the love issue, he came back for me. We started new. He than made changes for the better. We had fun, We bought a new bed and a sofa. Made his bank acaunt accessible to me, took me to his grandmother, which previously he couldnt do.

    And now after 4 months he said again, that he is scared, that he is leading me on, that he is waiting to feel more for me, to feel something bigger, and that he doesnt see the bright future anymore.

    I was listing and traying to understand him, the problem… I was thinking that he is incapable of true love. He newer got true love like a child, nobady appreciated him or made him feel spacial… His idol (grandfather) was a man with no emotion, newer showing anny affection. He died 12 days ago. He said he does not want to be like him in this matter.
    He does not have a good relationship with his parent, brother noir friends. He is pretty much alone. Showing now feelings, noir haveing them because of them.

    He has filings for me, shows me some, sometimes a lot of love, but now he is pussing me away again, saying he/we are better of apart. That he doesnt feel the great love, and therefore does not have peace within himselve. But he says that I am perfect for him, perfect match, and we are so much compatibile, but that he is with me just because of this and his rationality. And so he wants something more, and we are unfortunately not, he says.

    He is not on madication annymore, for 8 months. But he can work good, has his own buisnes is a graphic Designer. I am not working and so my job was to care for him, get him aut of bed, make him healty food, make him feel good abaut him self, praise and encourage him. He is grateful for all of this and is aware of this. But it makes him feel bad often, couse he cant give me the same, couse he doesnt feel the big love, not seeing the bright future after 10-15 years, he says.

    He cudled me in bed today, after waking up, comforting me, because I cry . Yes mabe it is bether for real, that we go apart.
    Its yust so hard, when you love some one that much, to let the love go, to let the person go. 

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  10. Sick of Stigma says:

    Hello there. I never drank, smoked, or slept with anyone. Never did jail time, my record is squeaky clean, taught Sunday school for a while. Still a virgin at 41. Don’t get angry and have explosive outbursts–haven’t for 15 years or more. Don’t spend money I don’t have and never abuse people emotionally or verbally let alone physically.
    But it seems it doesn’t matter how nice and considerate i am, how often I take my meds which make me sicker than a dog, how much I volunteer in the community it doesn’t matter. When I am wrong I promptly admit it, and i go to church. The only person i have ever threatened was myself. But because some doctor branded me as bipolar long ago, I’m ostracized and treated like a crime waiting to happen.
    What do you know i feel an angry outburst–uh-oh, here it comes…YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BIGOTS!!! I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU FEEL 1/100TH OF THE AGONY I HAVE GONE THROUGH ALL MY LIFE THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN!!! There, have a pleasant day mocking people you don’t understand. 😉 You don’t even know me, but you’ve already decided I’m an abusive, manipulative liar. You must all be psychics.Not.

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  11. Tomm says:

    Thanks for sharing your personal experience. I am at the cross roads with my wife who is bipolar. She recently excepted the illness and is getting treatment, but the damage that has been done is unforgettable. I want her to get better for our kids and her own life, but I do not know if I can stay with her… I pray for the right answer and do not wish to hurt her.

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